a life well lived

the impact he made on this earth was amazing. he couldn't speak after the age of 8 yet lived to be almost 19 years old, 11 years without a voice and he touched more people then most of us ever will. you could feel his spirit when you walked into the room he was in, he showed us everyday that he loved us. the void that was left when his spirit departed this earth was palpable and is still present today. our family is incomplete and i miss him. i can't believe it's been four years.

Remembering...

Today is the 3 year anniversary of my brother's death. It's crazy, some days I look at the last 3 years and think, "where did it go?" and other times I wonder how in the world could it ONLY have been 3 years and HOW am I going to make it through the next 50+ years of my life before I get to see him again. I miss him, I miss my family the way it used to be, the way it was when things were "normal" and I would give anything if life were the way it was 5 years ago. It's crazy the things that hindsight teaches you. Five years ago, our family was struggling with two terminally ill people and it was pretty stressful and crazy, however, when I look back at it, I wish I would have taken advantage of having my family all together, regardless of what the circumstances were at the time.

If I have learned anything in this journey, it is that I need to enjoy the moment and not wish the time away. No matter what current circumstances are. Like, right now, who cares that I spent ALL afternoon cleaning my house and there is hostess cupcake smeared ALL over the tile in the kitchen...it'll wash and in a few years from now, I'm gonna be wishing that I could hear those two little voices talking my ear off and see those two sweet faces smudged with chocolate.

Anyways, today I am going to remember Nathaniel and in honor of him, I'm going to remember the lessons his passing has taught me and remember to live in the moment and cherish it all. Love you Nathan...

A Star For Nathaniel...

Several months ago, I did a post on Austin, my nephew who got to go to the Make-A-Wish house and make his wish to go to Disney World. At the time, I started talking to the wish facilitator, named Kandis. I told her that my brother had gone on a wish years before the wish house had been built. She told me we should come and have a "wish" party for Nathaniel, even though he had passed away. Well, the wheels started turning and I talked to my sisters and Kim and we decided that we would donate the money that we would usually spend on my dad for Christmas and surprise him with a donation to the Make-A-Wish foundation and throw a "wish" party for Nathaniel. So we did it on December 23rd. It was awesome. We got there and were greeted by a big sign that said "Welcome Thomas Family." Kandis took us on a tour of the house and told us about it and all the HUNDREDS of kids the foundation has granted wishes for. We got to go to the wishing room and make wishes for anyone we wanted to. We all read our wishes and gave them to my dad who put them in his wish box. He also got a special key that unlocks the wishing room and he can go back there anytime he wants to. We also got to send Nathaniel's wish to the wishing wizard. All the things we would have gotten to do if Nathaniel was there making his wish now. The coolest thing was at the end, my dad got to make a star for Nathaniel and "sign" it however he wanted to. On each point of the star, front and back, my dad etched in memories of Nathaniel and then he got to raise his star onto the ceiling of stars where it will always stay. It was so awesome to be able to give our donation to the foundation. We qualified to be a co-donor and will get to help send a child on a wish and because of this, we will be contacted when that child's wish is granted and we will get to know who the child is and what their wish is. It was a wonderful night of remembering Nathaniel and remembering what the Christmas season is all about. Love you dad and we love and miss you Nathaniel...

Happy Happy Birthday...

Today is my dad's birthday and I just wanted him to know how much I love him. He is a great example to me and my family-he is such a strong, steady person and I am so grateful to be his daughter and have his influence in my life and in the lives of my children. Here are my top 10 favorite things about my dad...

1. He and my little brother share a birthday. I know that this makes today a bitter-sweet day and I want him to know that I love both of them and am grateful for them in my life. My dad took such good care of him for so many years and I know that Nathaniel is so grateful to him and loves him so much.
2. He only chews half of a piece of gum and saves the other half for "later."
3. He is one heck of a waterskier.
4. He is an excellent bar-b-quer.
5. He always makes time for me,listens to me and talks me through things when I am struggling.
6. He is strong and steady, he never wavers.
7. He always has treats in the console of his cars. Things like fig bars, wafer cookies and altoids.
8. He is always there. When I think of the times in my life where it has been dark and sad, my dad is there. Likewise, when I think of the happy wonderful times, he is there. He is a pivotal figure in my life and I am so thankful for him.
9. He doesn't consider hell and damn to be swear words.
10.He is a "cowboy" at heart, even though he probably wouldn't admit to it!

Love ya Dad AND Nathaniel, hope you have a fantastic day!

Two Years...

It's been two years since my little brother passed away. I think about him everyday and miss him, but I am grateful that he is at peace and no longer in pain. For those who don't know his story, you can click here to learn more about Nathaniel. I know he is happy and that things are as they should be, but I sure miss him on this day-I love you Nathaniel.

Thankful for...

Today I am thankful for my little brother Nathaniel. Most of you probably know his story, but for those of you who do not, I'll just briefly summarize a most incredible little boy and life. Nathaniel was born (unknowingly) with a genetic, terminal illness called Adrenoluekodystrophy (also known as the Lorenzo's Oil Disease) which causes the loss of all voluntary functions of the body. He wasn't diagnosed until he was 7 and 1/2 years old and by the time he was 8 years old, he was a complete vegetable. Nathaniel was a great example of courage, strength and love. He faced these scary realities with the strength of a man at the age of a little boy. He endured pain and suffering for 11 years and was finally freed from his struggles on March 5, 2006. While I am glad that he is at peace and no longer suffers, I miss him terribly. Nathaniel was surrounded by a peaceful, white aura and emanated an incredible Christ-like love. People were drawn to him and he taught many people many things without ever saying a word. Our family gatherings are empty without Nathaniel's presence. It is strange to not see the hospital bed that he slept in for 11 years, or the cot in the family room where he would lay during dinners and other family events. I am grateful and thankful today to be able to call him my brother. I love you Nathaniel.