Another year over.....

so 2010 is coming to a close. i have mixed feelings about this year, it's been a good one, we got a squishy, beautiful baby, but i feel it's been an emotional year as well. i think you always feel that way after having a baby, it's such a HUGE recovery and adjustment. emotionally, mentally and especially for me, physically---but enough about all that, maybe sometime i will find another extra 15 minutes and blog more details but for now, let's focus on the events of 2010 in the gatherum family...here are some of the highlights {for me}

*this is the first year that our house and yard really came together, we have been working NON-STOP for FIVE long years on it and i felt that it was really awesome this year--JUST in time to put it on the market---maybe we are just crazy-who knows!

*we had our 20 week ultrasound and found out that our 4th baby was healthy, thriving and growing right on track, we also decided we weren't going to find out the sex--the funny thing is, the ultrasound tech told us that the baby was being VERY generous-so we totally could have found out, for some reason, her saying that made neal and i think we were having a boy...it just added that much more to our EXTREME surprise in july!

*we commemorated the 4th anniversary of nathaniel's death and the 5th of my moms...funny how i can now put these days on the lists of "highlights" from the year-it's taken many, many years of healing and grief to be able to list these days as anything but sad, so that to me is major progress, thus making it a highlight of my year!

*we switched the kids rooms around in anticipation for #4, painted, redecorated and made them all really cute.

*we started in the hellish i mean exciting CRAZY world of competitive soccer--holy cow, i NEVER knew something could be SO time consuming. jury is still out as to whether we are going to continue with that for the time being or hold off a few years---i am STILL recovering and it starts up again in less than THREE months---the kids did great though and they improved and learned a lot!

*boe turned SIX!

*neal and i celebrated NINE years of being married! holy cow-time FLIES by, in another 9 years, gage will be SEVENTEEN!

*neal got a sweet promotion at work--i am so proud of him!

*we got the BIGGEST surprise of our lives, when on july 15th, we had a baby GIRL! i kept asking my doctor if it was really a girl and he asked me if i knew the difference between boys and girls!

*ryder turned TWO!

*neal turned 34-OLD MAN-with the GRAY hair to prove it!

*we blessed lucy

*we went to bryce canyon for a week and lake powell for another

*kaylee got MARRIED--my littlest sissie is now a married woman, it was THE most beautiful day ever!

*neal got himself neutered-i KNOW this is TMI but most of the three peeps that still read this blog are family or very close friends and they already know and they know that neal and i have a very inappropriate sense of humor...so sorry if you are a random reader and this offends you---it is AWESOME to know that we are done--LOVE having babies and LOVE my kiddos but SO happy to move onto the next chapter of our lives.

*gage turned EIGHT!

*gage was baptized!

*we celebrated lucy's first halloween {she was the CUTEST lil pumpkin you ever did see along with a perfect harry potter, a "NICE" lion and a rad hip hoppin' michael jackson}, first thanksgiving and first christmas. she pretty much slept through it all!

*i turned 33!!! the jury is still out on how i feel about that one!

and here we are on the last day of the old year. there is something about this time of year that gets me sentimental. reflecting back on events and happenings. evaluating situations and thinking about how i could have done things differently or better. all in all, i feel this was a year of self exploration, of many, many realizations and reflection. i have made many goals for the new year. sure i have the old stand-by of "getting back into shape" i have discovered that no matter how thin {or not} that i am, i ALWAYS have this goal, so it doesn't really count. i want to focus on the inside this year (although, i feel that i need to be honest and give full disclosure for a moment--i am planning on getting a rockin' bod back AND getting breast augmentation {read: boob job} this year, so i am not going to pretend to be completely... um, pure? ;) continuing on, i really want to focus on being a better person, being more patient and kind and empathetic and less judgemental. everyone has a story and sometimes finding out those stories can change perspective and opinions. speaking of opinions, i am going to try to be less opinionated too---i know this one is a STRETCH, but i'm gonna try. i said T.R.Y! i have realized that while i am trying i can always TRY harder, so i am going to. i think my number one goal for 2011 is going to be to try to live in the moment. i have a hard time with this. i have a tendency to look ahead and always plan for the next big thing, i am going to try to enjoy the little moments of life that make it real and that truly matter. i am going to try to live everyday so that if something were to happen tomorrow, i WOUlDN'T have a regret from yesterday. i hope that each one of you has a happy new year, that you look back and reflect on another year over, and a new one just begun!

lucy at {five} months

i can only say that i wish pregnancy would go by as quickly as time does after birth. i can't believe my baby is FIVE months old! she is such a sweet, sweet baby. i can't imagine not having her in our family. we LOVE to hold her, probably a bit too much, but i am just enjoying this last stretch of babyhood in my life and i am sure i will not regret one minute that i spent holding her. here is a glimpse of lucy at five months:
*she is mobile! not crawling but she definitely gets from point A to point B by a combination of army crawling and rolling
*she LOVES to eat--she is still SO tiny but she eats A LOT. she does NOT however, like rice cereal, so she is still just on formula
*she is such a SMILER...she LOVES to smile and her entire face LIGHTS up when she does
*she LOVES her brothers, well, maybe she doesn't love when they hold her, but she loves attention from them
*she has full-on DEEP belly laughs-they are SO cute and we all make major fools of ourselves to hear them
*she sleeps 7-10 hours a night--YAY!!!
*she is happy and content, especially if she knows her mom or dad is in the room with her
*she loves to hold things and is starting to play with her little toys
*she sits up and can go from sitting up to laying flat
*she is already DRAMATIC!!! she can turn on the waterworks like NOTHING i have seen! so funny---{well, it's funny and cute now, don't know how i will feel about it when she is 5}
*still loving her bumbo chair {thanks cousin jack jack} but has figured out how to arch herself out of it-so we have to watch her carefully in it
every time i look at this little angel, i see my mom--i don't think she looks like her per say, i just think she brought a small piece of her grandma kimmie down with her from heaven. i love having a baby in our house. her little personality is really starting to show and we are just loving our little lulu.

Halloween 2010

this was the first year i let the kids choose what they wanted to be. usually my OCD self likes to have a THEME to halloween. since this is the year of letting things go, i told them to have at it! this is what we got: Micheal Jackson, Harry Potter, a (NICE) lion (because he is PETRIFIED of lions and would only be one if he could be a NICE one) and a lil' pumpkin.



the kids got to wear their costumes to school on friday. it was fun to get lots of use out of them. this is a picture of our little friends brock and parker who looked AWESOME! parker was the best lil' pirate i've seen and brock looked C.L.A.S.S.I.C as brett micheals. hahaha, i was dying when i saw him!me, ryder and lucy went with my dad and kim to the parade friday morning and then we stayed and helped out with the class parties. it was a fun-filled sugary day! saturday we got a TON done around the house and yard and that night my dad and kim came over for the traditional chilli diner before trick-or-treating. it was rainy and cold but the kids had a great time. it was ryder's first real year of going door to door and he loved it. i am SOOO glad that the candy has officially run out-with ALOT of help from me ;) i LOVE halloween--such a great, fun time of year.

Lucy's Blessing

we blessed lucy on september 5. it was such a great day. in that i am only going to have one little girl, i decided to bless her in my blessing dress, which was handmade by my beautiful aunt lanae. i had it restored and for being nearly 33 years old, it looked amazing. i found a vintage headband that matched it perfectly and she even wore the little slippers that i did!

Lucy at THREE months...

holy cow---time FLIES when you have FOUR kids. picture me holding my hand up to my forehead and telling you that everything below my hand is water and the ONLY part of me NOT drowning is the tip top of my head :) that is my life these days! time is FLYING by and i have been horrible at documenting my little girls first three months of life.

Lucy is the EASIEST baby ever. she has slept well from the get-go and occasionally gets up once a night or so. she is easily consolable and L.O.V.E.S to be held. she lacks for NOTHING especially attention. the boys love her and are already protective of her. i can see their little relationships with her developing and can tell what role they are each going to take in her life. gage is very protective and nurturing towards her, when he is comforting her when she cries, he holds her close and whispers in ear, boe absolutely ADORES her and can't get enough of her, he tells me continuously how beautiful she is and is enamored with her. unfortunately at six, he is a bit too overbearing with her and she cries after a few seconds of him holding her haha, ryder is already thinking of her as his little playmate and tries to share his trucks and toys and asks me when she can play. it is just really cute to see her with her three older brothers.

i am LOVING having a girl. the clothes. Oh.The.Clothes. and shoes and hairbows and hats and dresses and boots and and and.....i could go on and on. good thing i teach violin so i can spend to my heart's content (hahaha i wish ;) i live with the budget nazi!) she is already different then the boys as far as how she reacts to things and i hate to say it but this is gonna be ONE SPOILED little girl! oh well. we are only going to get one, we might as well ALL enjoy it right?

Lucy is rolling around from front to back and just learned to go from back to front. she looks like she just wants to get up and GO! i am sure she wants to join her active brothers and participate in their fun! she is teething (NOT FUN!) and is getting a couple of teeth that will hopefully cut through soon. just this week she started attempting to hold her own bottle and she LOVES the bumbo chair. she laughs and coos and talks to us and we are just LOVING every minute of her.

even though Lucy is an incredibly easy baby, i have learned that four kids has put me OVER my limit. it has been a hard lesson learned but i have finally started to let things go a bit. i still have major OCD and i still need things a certain way, but i have been able to just relax a bit more. it was either that or go NUTSO crazy, so i am trying to tell myself that everything that needs to be done will still be there waiting for me tomorrow :) or that it will still be there when my kids are grown and gone. i need to enjoy the moment more and lighten up and HAVE more fun instead of worrying if my house is ALWAYS spotless or if the laundry baskets are ALWAYS empty or if the yard is ALWAYS perfectly done. speaking of which, my car is an ABSOLUTE pigsty and needs to be cleaned SO.BAD. in fact, i think i'll take care of that after this post ;) anyways, we are doing well. lots to catch up on-gage is getting baptized tomorrow and my goal is to sit my butt down on sunday after church and blog until i am caught up---we've had four birthdays,a baby blessings lots of trips,soccer games, a baptism and tons of pictures to post! here are a few of Lucy's 3 month pics that my good friend janelle took-enjoy!

Welcoming Lucy...

wow! i can't believe it's been 4 days since this little peanut entered the world. i wanted to document her birth before it gets too far out and my already (horrible) memory gets worse. we scheduled her induction for thursday july 15. some of you know the reason that we picked this date, for those that don't, let me preface by saying i KNOW i have a problem with OCD and weird tendencies. my husband just makes these said tendencies worse-anyways, we have birthdays on the 7th, the 17th and the 27th of various months, we also have a 5th and a 25th, so we are missing a 15th. when neal realized this little pattern and we found out lucy was due right around the 15th of july, he thought that we should try to complete the little pattern that was unintentionally created, so we went for it. so, we now have a 7,17,27 and a 5,15,25. it helps me sleep better at night.
moving on.

thursday morning i called st. marks hospital at 6 am and they told me to be there by 7:15. we packed up the kids, dropped them off at my dad and kim's and were off. after we had checked in and got everything ready, they started me on pitocin at 9:00 am. i was at a 3+ and 80% at this point. i told my nurse (JEN) who was AMAZING for the record-that i was doing it natural and that i didn't want to be offered an epidural at any point--she was totally cool with that and told me that she had trained with various doulas and knew some cool techniques and such to help with counter pressure and all that-awesome-anyways, so we started the pitocin and sat back (hoping) it would do it's magic.

neal and i played a mad game of scrabble, i rocked in a rocker and tried to get comfortable (YEAH-RIGHT HAHAHA) and we just WAITED. i could NOT get into a consistent labor pattern. i would have a really strong contraction and then nothing for 3 minutes then would have 4 contractions 2 minutes apart but they wouldn't be hard, then nothing for 5 minutes etc. it was so frustrating because i knew that they weren't progressing me, just causing pain. at 1:00 my doctor (BEST DOCTOR EVER IN MY HUMBLE OPINION) came in to check me and talk about the plan. i was (GET READY FOR THIS) STILL AT A 4 and 80% after FOUR FREAKING HOURS IN LABOR. i was SOOOOOO beyond frustrated. he gave me the choice to keep going or to break my water which i already knew would send me into a fast and VERY painful contraction pattern. after some deliberation i decided to have him break my water. suffice it to say that this was SO painful. the baby was at a 0 station and was so low, but my cervix wasn't dilating so she was blocking the entrance and he had to go around her to get to my bag of waters. let's just say i went to my happy place and stayed there for a good 2minutes while he struggled to get it broken-(OUCH)-once my water was broken the contractions (THANKFULLY) picked up and became very steady.

within a half hour or so i was at a 2-3 minute apart pattern. i went inside myself and stayed there rocking back and forth in the rocker-i am amazed at the power of the mind and body. i was able to completely remove myself from my surroundings and go inward-i had no idea what was going on around me, i just knew i needed to focus and work through the pain. at one point neal was even video taping me rocking back and forth (it is HILARIOUS to watch) and i had absolutely NO CLUE! at around 2:30 i wanted my nurse to check me, i was dying at this point and in my head i had decided that if i wasn't at at least a 6 i was getting an epidural--she checked me and i was at a 7-YAHOO!!! it was here that she stayed with me for the remainder of my labor and did a whole bunch of counter pressure techniques and exercises to help me get thru the pain. it was amazing and helped so much. at around 3:00 i asked for a shot of fentenal-that stuff is the nectar of the god's i tell you-it just takes the edge off long enough to transition, with both ryder and lucy i got it when i was around an 8 and it is just awesome. so i got a shot of fentanol, at 3:21 i asked her to check me again and i was at a 9+ and 90%. she called my doc and they started getting things ready. at this point the fentenal was wearing off and i was in some serious pain-i remember the pain with ryder but it wasn't like this-i was so miserable and just wanted it to be over! at 3:41 neal scanned in on the clock, my doctor was just sitting down and i asked him if i could push-he said-PUSH AWAY and i did! at 3:48 my little lucy was born! i will just say that this was the most excruitiating pain i have EVER felt and i think it may have traumatized me a bit-it was horrible but the end result was amazing and i am so glad i did it natural and worked through the pain.

neal and i were both SHOCKED-i admit, i had some feelings that she was a girl, but i wasn't completely sure. when we got pregnant, we both said that we didn't care about the sex of the baby-which is TOTALLY true, we wanted a healthy fourth baby, not a boy or a girl--people are funny and ASSUME that without a girl my life would not be complete-it is somewhat offensive only because i love my little boys with all my heart and wouldn't trade them for ANYTHING-that being said, i now love my little lucy and wouldn't trade her, but i can honestly tell you that whether this baby was a boy or a girl wouldn't have made a bit of difference in whether my life was complete or whether i had another baby--i am loving shopping for her and i so look forward to adding in a little girl to the mix of THREE big brothers, but to say that having a girl is life-changing, just doesn't sit well with me. my life has been CHANGED four different times thus far, for the first time almost eight years ago with the birth of my little gage, then again six years ago when my little boe-boe came to earth, then again with my little ryder almost TWO years ago (holy cow) and now for the last time 4 days ago with the birth of my little lucy-my life was changed each time because a new little spirit joined our family and changed me forever-my life was changed because i became a mom again, not because i got a boy or a girl.

lucy weighed in at 7 lbs even and was 18 1/2 inches long. she has BLOND hair and not very much of it (WAAAAYYYY different then my boys who all had a lot of DARK hair). she was pretty smushed and bruised but just adorable. (she is looking lots better now ;) she has a little angel kiss birthmark between her two eyes that i know was a last minute kiss from her grandma kimmie in heaven-she is a peaceful, calm baby and has been absolutely perfect so far. we feel very blessed and lucky and are so grateful that she is here safe, sound and healthy!

lots of pictures to follow-eNJOY!
one last pregnant picture! SOOOOO ready to be done!!!
literally just minutes old
first photo with mom and dad-notice my streaked mascara-awesome!
first bath by dad-he was a little unsure of what to do!
pink blankets are a new thing for us!
ryder wasn't so sure about lucy to begin with, he's warmed up to her though
does it surprise anyone that we brought her home in camo????? sooo-o cute!
my five all decked out--ready for the deer hunt to begin eh?
this is what waited for us when we got home-so nice of grandpa and kim and the boys-loved it!
LOVING the hair bows!

And we have a...

LUCY!!! i know most of you are on facebook and already know, but for those who do not:

Lucy Page Gatherum
July 15, 2010
3:48 pm
7 lbs 18 1/2 inches

she is ADORABLE and we are LOVING her. will update with pics and details soon, thanks for all the texts, emails, facebooks, phone calls and visits. love you all!

Number 4, oh my!

well,
here we go! i will post as soon as i can--wish me luck (i am PETRIFIED)...not really about the four kids part, but about the BIRTHING of the fourth kid part ;) i am also SUPER excited and oh so blessed...

it's SO coming and i am SO scared..

...well, here we are...just waiting, and waiting and...you get the picture of what life is like right now. i am so excited, my kids are SO excited--mostly to have their mom back ;) but i am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO scared. i SWEAR this isn't my fourth kid, i feel like it is my first all over again, well, except that the uncomfortableness is SO MUCH WORSE because i am 7 1/2 years older then i was the first time i did this and well, lot's of other things, but still, i am scared. i am going to do this au natural again and honestly, i am PETRIFIED this time around. mostly i think, because now i KNOW what is coming. i KNOW the pain, i KNOW the discomfort and i KNOW how freaking SCARY it is to push out a watermelon without ANY pain medication. i also KNOW i can do it and i KNOW it is the ONLY way (for me) to go, but i am pretty terrified. it's all good though, i know i can do it and i will and it will end up being an awesome experience. we have DELIBERATED over names for the ENTIRE nine months of this pregnancy...we have gone back and forth and back and forth....i think we have FINALLY settled on the following:

Mason Powell
Lucy Page

both pay homage to our FAVORITE vacation spot of all time and both are names we agree on and like. we each have our own individual names that we L.O.V.E but the other one H.A.T.E.S them so they just don't work. hence, we had to throw our personal faves out the window and start from scratch with mutually agreed upon names for this little babe.

at my appt. today i was dilated to *almost* a 4 and 70% effaced...we shall see if i make it to the 15th...i am contracting like crazy and i don't think i have ever gone into an induction this far advanced so i am kind of NOT planning on making it to my date which at this point is FINE with me! the baby is weighing in at just over 6 pounds, so it's a small, but decent sized little thing as of right now.

can i just say again that i kinda *think* it may be a girl? i have NEVER REALLY THOUGHT that any of my babes were of the girl variety, but for some reason, i keep having girl thoughts on this one. we shall see. i am HONESTLY and TRULY fine with whatever the outcome is and i am completely at peace with the fact that my family will be complete with the birth of this baby. (I KNOW I SAID THAT WITH RYDER, but really peeps, i TRIED to convince myself and just could not, HOWEVER, once i was pregnant with this little person, i just knew, and as the nine months have progressed, that knowledge has just grown and been reaffirmed over and over again-just to clarify!) anyways, only SIXTEEN days left---i honestly CANNOT wait!

37 (ish) week update...

i know, my baby countdown is off by a week or so, they have changed my due date back and forth several times, i finally just settled on the 15th of july for an induction and don't really keep track of exactly how far along i am. HOWEVER, i CAN tell you that i have 20 days! i cannot wait! at my appointment this week i was 3 cm dilated and 60% effaced. that would make most woman HAPPY HAPPY and they would assume that labor was imminent, however, i have gone into two of my three inductions at a 3 and 80% and have STILL had to be induced with pitocin. so, i am just assuming that i am not going to come on my own, which is fine because it means i get to maintain my controlfreakness and plan everything out. we have bought newborn clothes (for both sexes), diapers, blankets, wipes--you know, all the basics. my projects this weekend are to finish up all the last little details of things around the yard and house, wash my car, clean out the nursery and then just WAIT....i have been having contractions like crazy, i don't remember if i had them this bad with the others, but in the back of my mind i am thinking there is a *chance* that i am going to come on my own BEFORE the 15th. wait and see is the game we will be playing at the gatherum house for the next little bit!

MIA

POST EDIT: k, i wrote this months ago, i wasn't going to publish and did not at the time, however, this blog is like a journal for me and i wanted to at least document my feelings. they were VERY real at the time, now with only five short weeks left, i realize how fast time goes by and what was SO BAD at the time, doesn't seem like that now. anyways, i did want to portray an accurate account of my pregnancy so i decided to publish this today 6/8/10 just FIVE weeks before i am DUE!!! YIPEE!!!

*warning: read at your OWN risk* may contain complaining, rambling and lots of randomness...if you contiue on, you HAVE BEEN WARNED!!!!

i am such a slacker...i don't mean to be, i am just in a BLAH state right now. Christmas was....Christmas. isn't that awful? usually i LOVE Christmas, but not so much this year. i literally finished my shopping on December 23rd, i finished, no scratch that, started my wrapping on christmas eve. i couldn't WAIT for the 25th to be over so i could start taking down my stuff. it's a sad, sad state that i am in mentally---the good news is, it's a NEW year and hopefully *fingers crossed* i can start over. my house has been nothing less than deplorable...i think i have finally caved and i am going to hire some housecleaning help...*sigh* i (and i am NOT putting ANYONE down who has housecleaners, my mother had them for years and some of the BEST ladies i know have them) feel like a failure because i CANNOT keep things up. i could give myself the excuse that i am pregnant and have felt like absolute crap...i threw up 9 times in one day...FINALLY called my doctor and within 20 minutes had a RX for Zofran in my hands. that stuff is from the gods i tell you. it literally saved my life and the lives of my three children and husband. bless them all. i have been a BEAST to live with, so much so in fact that i am pretty sure neal is SO questioning his decision to even have a FOURTH baby with me, probably questioning his decision to marry and pro-create with me. Period. which brings me back to this fourth little creature inside of me. i wanted this baby SO bad. after i had ryder, (even though for NINE LONG MONTHS i told myself i was DONE) i knew i was NOT DONE. the moment he was born, i KNEW. i knew there was one more. i FOUGHT it, so hard. the funny thing is, neal knew too. so for the next year we talked about it, we debated it, we went back and forth about it, we even argued about it from time to time, but in the end, we both felt good about it and thus baby number 4. as soon as i got pregnant, i was sick. not just kind of sick-i was
S-I-C-K-sometimes i couldn't get up in the mornings, i was so incredibly nauseaus it made me dizzy. i would go two weeks in a row where i couldn't imagine making it through this experience alive and then BAM, the sickness was gone...i'd have two or three good days and BAM-it was back. it sucked so bad. FINALLY around week 12, it started to slowly dissipate and KNOCK on WOOD--it's stayed gone and i feel fairly good. REALLY tired and still pretty darn grumpy, but i can function and i haven't vomited in over 2 weeks-this i can definitely handle! anyways, i know i am done after this baby. i am totally at peace with that decision. i felt that way as soon as i got pregnant and i have to say, it's what i have been searching for since i began my journey into motherhood. i always just wanted to KNOW that i was done, and i can honestly say that i know now. the only thing worse (for me) than being pregnant and having three kids depending on me, would be being pregnant with FOUR kids depending on me! i am trying to enjoy this last foray into motherhood, i feel like i have generated all this hype about it being my last and yadda yadda yadda that now i am afraid i am going to have a major let down. oh well, what do you do? i am truly blessed to have been able to have as many children as i want, when i want them, i have never had to go month after month after month WONDERING when and if it will happen. i am so grateful for that. my goal as of this moment is to enjoy it all, even if the sickness comes back, enjoy it, enjoy my kids even when they are fighting, enjoy my house even when it is a filthy nasty mess, enjoy neal even when he drives me crazy. i guess my word of 2010 is going to be joy...i am sure you will all feel an immense amount of JOY to know that this post is done...*this is me* this is how i feel* this is ACTUALLY a GOOD picture of me these days* so.sad*

BOYS: 3 GIRLS: 0

FINAL (for real this time ;) OUTCOME: will be determined July 2010!
we can't WAIT!!!!